Friday, July 20, 2012


                 Are you a narcissist?...

Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)...
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
  • Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).

  • Requires excessive admiration.

  • Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

  • Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

  • Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.
Nellie is my narcissist and she will never, ever know...

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Gay Pride 2012

Life had become rather stagnant up to that point. Boring, empty, sticky and just plain monotonous. I was sick of this little town's people, my work life, working out and the rather obnoxious & bipolar weather.
Thank god I took advantage of Seattle's Gay Pride festivities this weekend. It has re-awoken me from an empty slumber I was enduring, at least for the moment.
Just being away from this town and in the majestic energy of downtown Seattle was incredibly wonderful. The first day was spent with Virgina Slimm, Kelly and Janice. Virgina and Kelly are shown on the right >>>>>> 
 I saunteered around with the drag-queens and gay guys. Many of whom lived in my small town with me. I honestly don't understand why I only have gay guy friends... Virgina Slim was absolutely gorgeous as a drag. I would've totally fucked her if she didn't actually have a dick, plus she needs to lose the 'tude. She's a total ass bitch. As a guy and even more so as a drag queen. At any rate, she was putting on quite the show and causing a ruckus as we walked through downtown Seattle. There were random people snapping photos of him as he strutted around looking poised as Gaga.
I have never seen so many gay people in my life and had never felt so completely at home. It was unreal and spectacular. I loved every moment of it! We finished off the day at a Mexican Restaurant. I must admit, the Mexican food is much better where I come from. Then we headed over to one of the gay's apt complex where we proceeded to get ready to go out. Then headed over to another gay's casa, he has a really nice house and apparently makes a good deal of money.  
We proceeded to have a few drinks and then prepared to head out to Neighbors-One of Seattle's Gay Bars.
Unfortuantly, by the time everyone was ready to go out, (Gay guys are worse than straight girls at getting ready in a decent amount of time...) Neighbors was so packed that we couldn't get in.

We called it a night and headed back for a few hours of shut eye.

I awoke early and proceeded to head out for a coffee, intent on meeting up with my group.

As irony would have it, my cell died and as I was driving through downtown Seattle, in search of parking, I manage to catch a glimpse of a different group of gays, 2 whom were from my small little town... 
I ended up meeting up with them because by that time my cell had died and finding my first group of gays was likely going to be an impossibility.

I ran through town with my new group of gay guys, proceeding to watch the Gay Pride Parade trample through. It was amazing! I finally felt I belonged, it was like entering a whole new universe where men love men and women love women. I was in homo-heaven!

The amount of positive, loving energy I felt coursing through my veins and amoung everyone in town was incredible. I had never felt so much loving energy around me. It seemed to pulse among each individual. Smiles and kisses were exchanged. Cheering and jubilant yelling surrounded us all. Dancing and singing gays went by us in the parade. It was mesmerizing.

At the end of it all, we went to the place where gays came together, at the fountain. It seemed a magical place. And who would've thought a little peice of heaven could come down to Seattle in the form of what Christians fear. It's time for a worldly change. I believe the LGBT community will make the world a better place and has for me.

Happy Pride 2012!  

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Life after Helena

Since that fateful night, I have been on cloud 9.
The female addiction I had prior to her is gone, thank you God! That has been the most wretched addiction I've ever had and I dealed with it for 6 months.
Since the HBC incident I have gone from wanting a concrete relationship to suddenly just wanting to play. It is wonderful to not seriously want anyone anymore. :)
It's like being freed has allowed good things to start manifesting everywhere.

Over the last week I have:
~Been kissed 3x by HBC's twin.
~Placed first in my age group for the 3rd 5k I've ever raced.
~Gotten the job I applied for.
~Made out with my crossfit instructor-not something I planned for or ever wanted but it was quite an unique experience.
~Ran a total of 18 miles this week. Ran more miles today at one time than I've ever done. Only 6.5miles but we all have to start somewhere right?!
~Made crossfit 5x iar this week. Only the second week to have accomplished that.
~Am at the weight I promised myself I would get to.
~Am going to hook up with a girl soon. :)

I will post more about the last thing imparticular as time allows. She is a lot like me; we are totally both super weird. We both are in love with HBC. Tim Burton movies are both on our top list of movies. She's bi-I'm gay. It should totally work out.

Like I said though, I don't want a serious relationship. I just want to play, to experience and to enjoy this fucking insane life I was given.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

"The Craft"...

Tomorrow is my 20th birthday!

Holy shit, I am getting old!

Speaking of gemini's... Since Helena is one, and Nicole Kidman, and Johnny Depp and seriously all of my favorite actors and actresses. I have a couple more to add to the list... =)

I have been trying to get my hands on "The Craft", a movie from 1996. I finally posted on fb that I was looking for it and quickly got a response from one of "the gays"- A group of boys from my town that coined themselves that title. He traded his copy of "The Craft" in exchange for the movie, "Practical Magic" which I fortuantly had just attained a second copy of. We did this a few days ago and I finally got around to watching the movie tonight.

It was fantastic! Everything I thought it would be and more! It was like watching "Black Swan" from a decade ago!
And I absolutely love Fairuza Balk, she is so hot, in her own attractive way...Anyhow, as I do with most movies and/or actresses I enjoy, I try to find more information about them. There were "Talent Records", or it was called something along those lines. It showed bits and peices of information about the actresses in the film.

I looked up Fairuza Balk first. And by the way, Fairuza did an excellent job in this film! Beyond excellent! It was as though she was Nancy. A slightly alarming thought since she tends to come across a bit crazy and chaotic in the real world. I just happened to glance at her birthdate. I couldn't care less about the year and honestly, probably couldn't tell you what it was. Throwing out a guess, it may have been 1974? What actually caught my attention was the Month and number.

It said, May 21.

She couldn't be a gemini. No way! I figured she was cutting it close, but I knew that HBC's birthdate, which is few days after Fairuza was also cutting it close. So, I moved on... 

The next actress, who also caught my attention, was Robin Tunney. She was also very attractive and as I checked her "Talent Profile"...Maybe that's what it's really called. I noticed that her birthdate was June 19th. 
"I was in shock and thinking to myself, there is no fucking way that they are both gemini's." 

I decided to check. And guess what... They both just barely cut it! 

The gemini zodiac sign goes from May 21st-(Fairuza Balk's birthday) to June 20th-(One day after Robin Tunney's...) 

At that point, I was a little shaken by all the excitement of the day. The movie, being as bizarre as it was and ending with the strange coincidence that these two stunning actresses, especially Fairuza, were gemini's, I chose not to delve further into the other "talent profiles." 
I must say, Sarah and Nancy have some fucking bizarre yet enhancing chemistry going on between the two of them and I definitely want to see some more femslash montages of the two of them. Likewise, the store owner of the little wicca shop in the movie was equally just as enthralling when she was touching, caressing and holding onto Sarah... Mmmm, I plan to make a montage about the two of them. Wish the director had done more with the two of them. I left the movie and all of it's chaos behind at this point.

I did, however, do some research about my own history...

I have this tendency to fall in love with similar personalities. Recently, I have found someone I would like to get to know better. Her birthdate makes her a libra. Strikingly enough, there have been at least two other women in my past who were also born with the same zodiac, in the same month. And come to find, gemini's click well with libra's... Plus, the last two women had the same name...Irony? Coincidence? The new one has a different name, however. There have been a couple other women I have fallen hard for, both were leos... Both are also born in the same month. Fortuantly, they have different names...  

I find zodiac signs to be surprisingly and strangely accurate. Not so much fortuanes, but personality traits and compatibility...

I'm excited to see what the furture holds for me and all of the other gemini's around. Peace out fellow friends with May and June birthdays! We gemini-ens rock the house!

Famous Gemini's List-
~Nicole Kidman
~Helena Bonham Carter
~Marilyn Monroe
~Judy Garland
~Johnny Depp
~Fairuza Balk
~Robin Tunney
~Jennifer Indigo Lazyryn

(Adding more irony-Marilyn Monroe and Judy Garland both died of drug overdose-accidental or not is still a mystery.) Gemini's are strong-headed, stubborn and are often known for our desire to be noticed, it seems.  

"Gemini individuals always display dual personalities. In one moment they will be happy, somber in the second and extremely nervous in the very next moment. Mercury instills adaptability, versatility inconsistency and impatience. Geminians are garrulous. They are clever individuals always in search of mental stimulation. They cannot remain interested in a single topic for to
o long and have a phobia of commitment. This sign clicks well with Leo, Libra, Aquarius and Aries." (1)

"Geminians and Librans have a gregarious nature. A Libran is highly considerate towards loved ones. This is one of the strengths of this love match. They are likely to agree on each and everything. The understanding which they share leaves no room for words between them. A Geminian will be drenched in the deep passion of a Libran. Boredom will never encroach upon the compatibility of this love match as both of them are extremely intellectual." (2)

Ok, so my planned post about the movie, "The Craft" has turned into a blog post about gemini's. Oh, well...I am often random and scatterbrained. Plus it's late and officially my birthday!

Holy fuck! I am 20 fricking years of age. =)

Friday, May 27, 2011

Happy Birthday HBC!

Good God! I have been trying to write a post about Helena's Birthday since yesterday but "blog-spot" gets all messed up if you have more than one blogger with two different emails. I couldn't get it to let me sign off. Fortunately, this is a computer I have never blogged with so I was able to log on successfully! Hip hip, Hooray!

Anyways, yesterday was a big day for me because it was the first year I have acknowledge the birthday of my idol, my inspiration, my hero, my Helena Bonham Carter. However, I wish I had gotten to do more for her birthday. Maybe celebrate with some friends or eat some cake. Instead I was working from dawn 'til dusk. And when I did finally have a chance to be with friends, instead of getting to celebrate her birthday, we played "Parcheesi" and drank lemon ginger tea. :-/

However, since my birthday is coming up in like 2 weeks and I'm planning on throwing a party, I figured I could make it an HBC party! I'm not exactly sure what she likes to "play"...Maybe we could watch a movie that she plays the star role in, as well as come to the party dressed as she would. :-) (That is fun to do!) and maybe we could do some acting games or something... Oooh, it sounds ever so delightful! The point in this slightly strayed blog is that it's Helena Bonham Carter's birthday and I hope both she and Tim did something to celebrate.

<3 JIL

Friday, April 29, 2011

Some more royal anyone?

I know, I know. It's been all over the news for the last month or so. People all around seem to be becoming completely bored &/or annoyed with the constant media attention to the royal wedding. I had actually stayed out of it until a couple of days ago when my cousin, Justine, informed me that she was going to be getting up to watch it. The idea of spending some more time with my cousin and family to watch the event actually sounded fun. Thus plans were made and Thursday night we were both in bed by 9. I, however, remained awake with my thoughts harassing my mind until 12 or so, giving me hardley an hour of sleep. I awoke at 1 am and waited for the rest of the family to arise. Justine was up second and we both prepared coffee and warmed the hazelnut chips scones she had baked the night before. Minutes later we were in her basement, watching CNN and enjoying scones and coffee. Soon enough, Justine's sister, Lindsay and her mother, my aunt, Nancy had both joined us and were sitting awestruck watching the event unfold.

There was so much information being given that I hadn't any idea about. I must say, I was ill-informed of most of the news because I had kept my nose out of it all. I wasn't even aware that Kate (Catherine) Middleton was what Brit's call a 'commoner'. I was equally intrigued by the story of her mum's journey as an entrepreneur. Her mom, Carole, actually looks a lot like a woman I do ballet with. Everytime I kept seeing Carole on t.v., I kept thinking I knew her in person. It was so bizarre.

Here's the woman I do ballet with....                       And here's Kate's mother...
Does anyone agree that these two women seem to be eerily similar in looks? So similar they could pass as sisters...Even twins...It's creepy...

I was so awestruck by the fantastic and strange looking hats. I loved them all! My favorite had to be what I like to refer to as the "Lady Gaga look-alike". Princess Beatrice outdid herself with her bow shaped, salmon colored "hat" on the top of her head and really truly looked like Lady Gaga. Justine liked Princess Eugenie's dress. I liked the color but felt the cut was awkward...
I know this is going to sound awful but I don't know if I had ever even seen Queen Elizabeth, other than in pictures. So to see her in person brought a whole new perspective. She looked so agile. I would never have guessed that she was 85 years old! The same for her husband. He didn't look at all his age. Queen Elizabeth has such a charisma about her that her husband seems shadowed by her personality. As I watched her walk gracefully through Westminster Abbey, I realized that she is the type of woman I would want leading my country. She acts so poised, strongwilled and confident yet equally as caring and loving toward her people.

And then, when Catherine Middleton came from her Rolls Royce and walked humbly and elegantly into the Abbey, I knew, as did the whole country, that she is really something special. I think her dress equally stated that she is her own person. It wasn't overdone. She didn't try to be more flashy then Princess Diana. Instead it was just simple and beautifully done. It was a rather humbling experience to watch her walk out delicately from the vehicle. Smiling radiantly and walking toward her future husband. The whole wedding was so spectacular. I love weddings and I truly felt I was there, watching a completely historical event with the rest of the royals. I think what amazed me most was the amount of people who had come to watch. The other commoners who had come out and had been sitting or standing for hours just to watch the event on the ginormous tellies or to even just catch a glimpse of the royal party who were entering the church. It was so joyful to see everyone sitting in anticipation, cheering galantly whenever something remotely interesting was happening. When the royal family left the building and rode the chariots back toward their home it was incredible the amount of noise the public made! That type of excitement could never be seen in America, at least not without incident. News reports stated that there was not a bit of misconduct that the police had to deal with. Everyone who was there had come to celebrate. Not a bit of anger or irritation. It seems that the happiness and joy had escalated and was growing as the hours passed. No unhappy faces could be seen from the crowd of people who were milling around for hours and then standing in anticipation. It was the most amazing thing to see only joy from thousand and thousands of people. It was so rare to see such an episode unfold. I was left awestruck for the rest of the day.

 After I had seen the event and driven back to my home in the early hours, I wondered where Helena and Tim had been during the wedding and then imagined that if they had not been sleeping, they had been watching the telly together to witness the extrodianary event. Afterall, HBC is likely an "anglophile"
: a person who greatly admires or favors England and things English [1] 
  I know she's proud of her roots and thus I'd think she was intrigued by the wedding.
I am excited to say that I learned recently that I also have English roots in my blood. And I hope one day I get to also live in the United Kingdom. My home away from home.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

My Idols

People let me down. I idolize people I don't know personally, their personality and charisma is what defines my admiration for them... If I knew them, it might be a different story.

Helena Bonham Carter! Can't say it enough! LOVE LOVE LOVE this woman with every bit of my soul! I love her acting and the characters she plays! I love her fashion (or lack of), I love her cooky personality, her down to earth persona, her smile, her laugh, her voice, her self-confidence, her lack of fear in playing any character, I love how eccentric she is and most of all, I love that she is with Tim Burton!


Tim Burton! He is the model I want to emulate when I too will one day create movies and films! His creative works inspire me to believe I can follow my own path of art! I am in love with most of his works!

Tim Burton Pictures, Images and Photos

M. Night Shamlyn: I love Signs, The 6th Sense, The Village, Lady in the Water and other various films he's created. I'd like to also be able to create movies with as much symbolism and emotion as he has done!

Katherine Brooks! I love her story! I love that she moved to Cali with nothing in her pocket and somehow got a career started as a movie director/screenwriter. I am facsinated with her film, "Loving Annabelle." Not many people can create something like that!

Diane Gaidry: Amazing, gorgeous actress! She also is a life coach which I feel is an awesome career to pursue. She is not a mainstream actress and does films that are challenging and really grasp at her heart! Her desire for more loving and artistic films makes her someone I really admire! Love her as Simone in "Loving Annabelle."

Lady Gaga! Her's is a story to tell. Started out as an unknown artist and took action to get herself to the top. Makes all of us misfits realize that we belong somewhere.

J.K. Rowling! How many people get to follow the path she has created in her lifetime! An inspirational author who was once broke and now is a millionaire! Her name will go down in history!

Madeleine L'Engle: For making religion somewhat more understandable. Brilliant woman, even genius! Her writing has captivated audiences of all ages! And it's done in such a way, that atheists might actually choose to believe there's someone out there watching over them.

Dreya Weber! I love what she's done with her life. Started as a gymnast, went into aerialists and found a way to make it a career. Has appeared in Cher's show, movies P90X and has choreographed such performances as P!NK and Britney Spears!

Jenny Ehlers--after breaking her neck in gymnastics, came back and went to UW for college gymnastics; she always worked through pain and inspired me when I was a young gymnast.

Amy Metcalf-- an amazing gymnast who like Jenny trained at the same gym as me; she also went to UW and had a career high of 9.9 on the beam; she also got a scholarship for having a high gpa throughout college.
Have too many others to name!